I don't know if I have ever been so "in love" with anything in my whole life. I feel so guilty talking about Natalie sometimes, as if I don't love Lily as much, AND OF COURSE I DO!!! But right now, at this time in my life, Natalie is pure perfection and makes me swoon and feel positive and happy like nothing else. She was the right baby at the right time. When I had Lily I thought I was ready, but I got smacked with the baby blues (the two weeks after delivery when you think you want to give the kid up for adoption - no lie.) Then, I was so wrapped up in "the books" all 416,000 books I was reading about how to: feed, burp, diaper, bathe, talk to, read to, make smart, make happy, swaddle, stimulate, relax, entertain the baby....whew....that I now don't remember enjoying hardly any of it. To top it all off Lily was not an easy baby. She was such a cranky little thing. All I remember after I decided not to give her up for adoption ;-) was the FIVE S's from Happiest Baby on the Block Swaddle, Swing, Shush, Suck and something else I forget. It was awful. I missed out on so much while I was busy worrying and mourning the loss of my idea of a perfect baby.
Well, now I have Natalie. I practically eat chunks of her cheeks for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She never catches my eye when I'm not giving her a HUGE open mouth grin with my eyes all sparkly and googly. I talk sweet to her and snuggle her and come to her rescue and want her every waking moment to be happy. I am left to wonder how this might affect her personality and attitude versus what I may have "done" to Lily with all my neurotic-ness and struggles.
Again, I want to stress how much I adore both my girls. I shouldn't even feel the need to say that, but I do. One is 3 and one is 7 months and the 7 month baby is easy on my soul right now and I want to celebrate that. She makes me swoon and it feels good to swoon.
Natalie is a dream come true.
