I don't know if I have ever been so "in love" with anything in my whole life. I feel so guilty talking about Natalie sometimes, as if I don't love Lily as much, AND OF COURSE I DO!!! But right now, at this time in my life, Natalie is pure perfection and makes me swoon and feel positive and happy like nothing else. She was the right baby at the right time. When I had Lily I thought I was ready, but I got smacked with the baby blues (the two weeks after delivery when you think you want to give the kid up for adoption - no lie.) Then, I was so wrapped up in "the books" all 416,000 books I was reading about how to: feed, burp, diaper, bathe, talk to, read to, make smart, make happy, swaddle, stimulate, relax, entertain the baby....whew....that I now don't remember enjoying hardly any of it. To top it all off Lily was not an easy baby. She was such a cranky little thing. All I remember after I decided not to give her up for adoption ;-) was the FIVE S's from Happiest Baby on the Block Swaddle, Swing, Shush, Suck and something else I forget. It was awful. I missed out on so much while I was busy worrying and mourning the loss of my idea of a perfect baby.
Well, now I have Natalie. I practically eat chunks of her cheeks for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She never catches my eye when I'm not giving her a HUGE open mouth grin with my eyes all sparkly and googly. I talk sweet to her and snuggle her and come to her rescue and want her every waking moment to be happy. I am left to wonder how this might affect her personality and attitude versus what I may have "done" to Lily with all my neurotic-ness and struggles.
Again, I want to stress how much I adore both my girls. I shouldn't even feel the need to say that, but I do. One is 3 and one is 7 months and the 7 month baby is easy on my soul right now and I want to celebrate that. She makes me swoon and it feels good to swoon.
Natalie is a dream come true.
Well, now I have Natalie. I practically eat chunks of her cheeks for breakfast, lunch and dinner. She never catches my eye when I'm not giving her a HUGE open mouth grin with my eyes all sparkly and googly. I talk sweet to her and snuggle her and come to her rescue and want her every waking moment to be happy. I am left to wonder how this might affect her personality and attitude versus what I may have "done" to Lily with all my neurotic-ness and struggles.
Again, I want to stress how much I adore both my girls. I shouldn't even feel the need to say that, but I do. One is 3 and one is 7 months and the 7 month baby is easy on my soul right now and I want to celebrate that. She makes me swoon and it feels good to swoon.
Natalie is a dream come true.
2 comments:
Sometimes I catch myself feeling guilty about the Gabe vs. Gavin thing, too. As weird as it may sound, I feel like Gavin is sooo much easier than Gabe right now. He's so happy and positive and the littlest things about him make me happy. I just want to look at him all day and watch every move he makes and make him laugh and watch him eat and nurse him and give him zerberts on his neck and etc... He's practically never not a bubbly baby boy. He's walking everywhere and says "Ahdaaaahhhh?" ("What's that?") to everything. Gabe, on the other hand, seems verrrrry whiney these days. Ugh! He wants everything and is having a hard time listening. I tell Gavin that I won't mind if he decides to never start talking. =)
Wow... so many of us in the same boat. when my first child was born, I think every one of my sentences started with "the book says..." By the end of the first month, I think my husband wanted to burn the "stupid book" as he called it (What to expect - the first year). Now with my second child, I don't even know where my "stupid book" is and I only once in a while check the internet to make sure I am feeding her the rigt amounts and the right types of foods.
I'm sure we all made our first children a bit neurotic because of our obsessiveness, but that doesn't make us bad moms, just rookies. With our second children, we get to actually enjoy their infancy because we have been there before and we don't feel as nervous. I say relax and enjoy both children... whines, tantrums, and defiance included.
Wow... now, if I could only take my own advice. =)
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